February 1st, 2005

Subject: Goin Crazy Time: 08:08 pm

I've been here for a while, making my living off of other people... I should go see one of the others... but I can't bring myself to go back. Not yet. I just don't feel right... It's a very broken piece of a puzzle that won't fit together. I don't know why I have dreams about him. It wasn't my fault, was it? Afterward, I came running back to Garnet like everything could be peachy for me.. and I thought--I had the nerve to think--I could handle the failure. I hurt her, too, running away again and again. I still haven't told her that I don't feel for her because I'm afraid... afraid that I might make a mistake and find I really do feel for her when she sees someone new... I'm a flop... a failure... a loser.

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December 31st, 2004

Subject: Conman Zidane, looking for food. Time: 12:29 am Current Mood: excited

whoops

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December 30th, 2004

Subject: It's my Life... Time: 07:29 am

She was pretty, that was all. I keep wondering what it was that made Garnet so lovely to me when I felt that way for her. She's a great girl, and I like her a lot. I don't want to see anything happen to her... so why don't I love her? I can't answer that. It happened so quickly. I thought she was the one and then I realized as I was trekking home to her--she wasn't. So what was she? I wish I hadn't upset her so much. I probably made her cry. I'm such a jerk. I've been all over everywhere, and I come back--back here, to Alexandria--once every three or four weeks. Just to ask up, to make sure she's doing well. I've seen Blank once or twice the last month--he's been giving me the news. Tantalus is doing well. Marcus and the Captain, I miss them, but I don't think I could live such a social lifestyle anymore. Wait.. pardon me, a cute girl just walked by and said my name. I have to figure out--oh, nevermind. It wasn't my name. At any rate. I'm heading out of Alexandria again. Don't miss me too much, Princess.

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December 29th, 2004

Subject: Test Time: 07:38 am

I'm kind of feeling bored today. Does anyone get that feeling? I don't think my hair's quite the way I like it. I think I'll wear something new...

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